Hey thanks for checking me out over here. I’ll be adding interesting content as time allows to be sure to click over when you can. Let me start out by saying that I have no idea where this blog or posts are heading. I just feel like I need to blog about my life and my experiences along the way. I think mainly what I want to write about is my journey as a person in general.
I’ve been through a lot in my 39 years but so has everyone else. My journey has been no more difficult than anyone else’s and i realize we all have our struggles….no matter how big or small they may seem to others. What’s a big deal to you is just that and we all have things we have to deal with throughout life.
Some battle addiction in some sort of fashion. Maybe it’s an addiction to food where someone overeats and becomes obese. Maybe it’s a drug or alcohol that has its grip on you and you feel like you can’t escape its talons. Maybe you have obsessive compulsive disorders like hand washing. In a way that’s sort of like an addiction too I guess but it’s defined a little differently.
Regardless, we all have our struggles in this world. My struggles aren’t unique by any stretch of the imagination. There are millions of others SORT of like me. But there are VERY few people who I can relate to with this formally foreseen “problem”…..and therein lies the difficulty in my struggle and why i found it so much more difficult to deal with. I’ll explain further as we go along but for now I’d like to leave you with just a slight bit of suspense….in other words…i don’t want to spill my cookies all in the first post.
My life has been quite a journey and when i share my experiences with others they tend to agree that my path was quite unique and possibly a bit more difficult to face than others. But then again I know of others who have committed suicide so obviously it wasn’t as bad for me as it was for them. Not to say I didn’t come VERY VERY close to taking my own life at one point.
In fact, I was to the point one night of just rolling into the garage, shutting the door and closing my eyes…..that’s how bad I didn’t want to live and so I understand why others before me and others after me will take their own lives. I’ve felt that deepest darkest pain where you think the world would be a better place without you.
For me, it wasn’t that I was so miserable or terrified of living this way, it was that I felt everyone else would have a better life if I were to just go away……
It was really painful to talk about in the past but now I feel as though I can look back and reflect on my journey and maybe…JUST MAYBE I can help ONE person who feels the same way to realize what a selfish thought that is…..