So Let’s Just Let it All Out Right Here


Ok…well…I had planned on beating around the bush for quite some time before blogging about what really ailed(s) me.  I’m over it now for the most part but my struggle over the years has taken its toll on me for sure.  Now I have a whole new set of worries I’ll have to address in the coming years but for now let’s take a ride back to my early childhood.

As a kid I’d watch TV like any other child.  I liked cartoons and The Dukes of Hazard just like any other young boy did back in the 1980’s.  But even back then I knew something about me was very different from the other kids in school and on the block.  They would sneak dirty magazines from the corner store or from their dad’s stash and break them out in some secret hideout.


I can recall everyone getting a big thrill out of the boobs and shots of bush.  Although I always found it to be intriguing, mainly because I was fascinated with doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing I guess.  I was never really all that thrilled with the site of the naked girls.


So was I gay?  I mean…I didn’t even know what gay was back then.  I didn’t really think to much about it I just figured I wasn’t as immature as all those other kids.  It’s like those pictures were really no big deal to me at all.  I never stopped to think that maybe I should be getting a bigger charge out of this than I was getting….but again…I was very young so i didn’t put much stock into it.


Growing up as a kid I was pretty athletic.  I was always on the all star basketball and soccer teams.  I was really good at skateboarding and always dreamed of being a professional skateboarder or perhaps a professional basketball player someday. My dreams waffled just like anyone my age I suppose.


I was always pretty popular in school as well.  I had a lot of friends and others in the school might have referred to us as snobby although I never felt like I acted that was toward anyone.  We were who you might consider “popular” at the time.


Being popular and a good athlete came with some upside.  I just also so happened to be a hit with the girls.  Mainly the preps and the cheerleader types.  I wasn’t a bad looking kid either.  Heck i still get a lot of looks now even though I’m vastly approaching 40!  YIKES!!


But as popular as I was with the girls in elementary and middle school….I never really felt too attached to any girl for any length of time.  Maybe that’s how kids are.  Seems like there were some rather serious boyfriend/girlfriend stuff going on by the time we were in 8th grade but none of that love bug stuff ever really struck me.





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